Ricky's Revenge

Two test down and trailing by 1 is not an ideal situation for an Australian citizen who has the captaincy of the world's fastest deteroriating team in an Ashes series that is taking place in Australia. Instead of analyzing what went wrong, I will concentrate on what Ricky needs to do to regain the Ashes in the next three Tests.

HELP ME TO HELP ME

1. Do black magic. Take some hair from McGrath's receding hairline and tie it to a doll that looks like Siddle. Take some hair from Shane Warne's head and tie to a doll that looks like Doherty. And hope that black magic actually works.
2. Take some lessons from the Indian bowling line-up. Admit your bowling line up is shit and mentally prepare your batting line-up to score 500 every time they hit the pitch. And if the bowlers do take some wickets, label your bowlers the next McGrath, Warne etc.
3. Understand that this is not F1 where the fastest wins, hence tell your bloody bowlers to stop concentrating on pace, physique and mustache and concentrate on line, length and swing.
4. Understand that bowling is not all about hitting top of the off stump, but also line, length and pace variation.
5. Tell some Englishman preferably KP to verbally take on one of your bowlers, this is the best way to motivate Indian bolwers which we have seen for years, eventhough his bowling will not improve but he will wag with the tail and score 50 after 50 and end the season on a high.
6. Stop placing fielders in absurdly silly places just to show that you have planned something big, and place regular slips instead of placing fly slips, second gully third cover and don't know what kind of field settings.
7. Start telling the your batsman that Hussey and Katich is not the only player who has to play Test Cricket. It is the duty of every batsman to make an effort to play Test Cricket.
8. Tell Katich where the stumps are!!!!
9. When things don't go your way, Ricky don't start itching your baggy green but instead DO SOMETHING!!
10. Tell your commentators to behave and not take on other ex-players to show how bad a loser Australians are!!!