Friday, January 23, 2009


There are some places where you would absolutely find one of the best theatrical dramas.The emotions are so high that they can be selected for emmy,grammy,nanny,manikchand,stardust,lux,ponds and I donot know how manyother awards.I literally think RGV picks his dummies from such places.The place I am talking about is not some broadway,highway or any way but our very own exam centres.Yes the place where people take or give exams.The place where people flock in from various forms of life to take or give exams.Now first of all there is a huge difference between giving and taking exams:but a little later.Everyone has been there experienced the thriil but has anyone noticed or observed people.(Please dont try this )

Let me introduce you to the lead actors,their main roles and the script to which they perform to deadly precision.I was just standing there at the exam centre knowing that this paper is as Boycott said "GOIN GOIN GOIN GONE Out of Queens Park oval".Then the actors come in:

(Type-I)First to come in are the scholarly types the rank holders,the honours guys,the know it all,done it all,with a Donot Disturb LOOK.They come with books,laptops(lappy the hip lingo),reference books,the reference to the reference books,and a compass(rounder the desi lingo).The compass is for poking guys like me who ask him "Hey did u read for todays paper".To which he very coolly and confidently replies "Of course man".To which I reply "Why do you need to read to read todays newspaper".A dirty grin followed by a poke with a rounder.

(Type-II)Then come the" know it all but can't remember a thing guys".Seriously these guys should be made to sit on a scud missile with a seat belt.The only thing they want to prove is that they have read nothing,only started readin from today morning (Gosh thats the limit) and now his career is destroyed and he would have to work as a waiter in his mama nu motel in the STATES.Why they do it noone knows.They know everything,they are actually disti guys (distinction holders).And to look cool they tell you he watched DDLJ last night followed by terminator 2 then rocky 5 then Jurassic park -3.After killing the last of the dinosaurs he has come to take his exams(notice take).Do you notice any pattern in the movies that he has wathced.Yes all of them have been put inHindi,Tamil,English,Gujarati,Espanyol in many channels (STAR MOVIES) for many number of times.Now I can tell you the story even backwards.

(Type-III)Then come the "Dont know a thing so how can I remember anything guys".They are the most honest type of guys,whose only aim is to cheat and pass the bloody hell.They virtually know nothing .One of them bet last night for a few bucks that he wouldnot put a dot on hte paper.And yeah he really won the bet!!!.They make airplanes of their answer sheets and fly it into the supervisor's hands.And yeah after years of practice it does land safely into their hands..The thing is that they are cool as ice.You might even mistake them for disti guys.But their early exit from examination halls confirms it.

(Type-IV)Then come "Know nothing but miraculously I remember everything" guys.Self confidence to the limit ,they enter halls like tigers ',Oh data structure' they tell you ,that's old stuff I know File Strucutre(which actually is a concept in data structure).You tell them U.S.A.,they will tell you United States Of America ,where is it located ,he will say "That's not in the syllabus".They literally know the index by heart.The only thing that they know about a concept is in which chapter is it located.After recognizing that in a paper ,all hell breaks loose .All the available answer sheets are filled,they write about anything and everything like they are on blogspot and not a examspot.They complete their papers last and hope to score about 80,only to be disappointed during results.I had written an epic on data structure why did I get marks out of 10 in a 100 marks paper.There must be some mistake with the university,the Indian government.Then the reasoning which is also an epic like his paper.He will tell that once he had brawl with a MLA's son in which he had almost killed him.To extract revenge the MLA's son told his father to destroy this guy.So the MLA called up the chief minister ,who then called the education minister,who then called the Vice chancellor ,who then calls up the senior correctiong officer(never heard of this designation:me too) to bring out the heaviest paper in the university and fail the bloody son of a dawg(lingo).So now you know how to write a 10,000 mark paper in a 100marks question(Hyperbole intended)

Atlast after the examination when all of these types meet,you can almost see remix reactions(lingo intended).Type-I are quiet and rush to conquer and decimate another subject.Type-II will tell you it was the hardest of all papers,it was out of syllabus,the 1st question was twisted(Actually it was repeated for the umpteenth time by university for Type-III guys to pass).For the first 2hrs and 45 min I was crying and only had written 1 page(can u believe it you actually feel sorry).You ask what did you do in the last 15.He tells you with a wry smile that he completed the entire paper and he is hoping to get around 90.You want to kill him but you already are worried that you are on the border hence you keep your Kalashikonov to yourself.Type -III is overjoyed ,he has won the bet and will drink a can of CHILLED beer with the money he won.Dont be mistaken he really is estactic.Type-IV will tell you the paper was damn easy.He could have passed blindfolded,one hand behind the back,potassium cynaide between his teeth and anthrax in his hand.You wonder,you question yourself ,you analyse where had you gone wrong,but with experience you will know you are safe and more certainly you are not TYPE-IV.

As for give and take figure it out for yourself.Hint:-Type I and II are takers while the rest are takers.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The End of Bushisms

The recent inaugral ceremony of Barack Obama with a security of about 30 million dollars suggests one thing that we are seeing the end of one of the darkest chapters of America which took many to Chapter 11(bankruptcy Ofcourse!).But is this really the end,was Bush's Republican administration the darkest chapters in America's history?.That only time will tell.

However one can't help but notice his few antics that he did to keep us entertained.His famous wink to Queen Elizabeth,his note to Rice for going topee,his relaxing at his own personal ranch when his country needed him the most.All these could still be entertained but there are somethings that just couldnt be erased from an American's memory.The first of those is his famous take on global terror.His tryst with Saddam was a search for oil or reopening of his father's old wounds,only he knows.One can only say that his deployment of U.S.forces in Iraq was a mistake which is yet to be corrected.It crippled the very foundation of American economy.He inherited from Clinton a budget that was in surplus which through his boisterous policies brought it into deficit.Even today he stands by his policies like a man hanging onto his life while in coma.

This brings us to the question if he was so bad for the first term why was he reelected for the second time.Actually it was the situation that he took advantage of.During the second term Al Gore was pitched to replace Bush but for the 9/11 attacks.Bush played his cards right at the last moment.He knew people had panicked and for them more than boosting economy was security.For the first time in their lives they had someone who had forced through the fortress of America and escaped.And Bush taking this into account promised them security and this swung the votes into his favour.

Now the problem with Bush was keeping with his promise.And the first thing on his agenda was hunting down of the master mind :Osama.Hence his war against global terror began and this is when as they the wheels started coming off.Besides he started tax cuts which were good at first but only gave rise to disaster waiting to happen.His housing loan policies and extremely low mortgage rates led to defaulting of many a clients which led to a washout of the country's liquidity.And this was beginning of the recession that we see.And the end of Bush's era.However from India's point of view he had the 123 Nuclear policy which it could use to good effect.Bush had created a bubble which was eady to burst and there was noone but himself to blame

What happens from here is completely upon Obama.He has in his team Hilary Clinton who is Secretary of State and there are others who are completely capable to pull America out of this mess created by Bush.But will they be able to execute it properly only time will tell.So for now we can only wait and watch.

P.S. :-The word Bushism has been inducted into the oxford English dictionary.

EPL:Showbiz's biggest Show-off

The current talks about AC Milan and Brazilian midfielder Kaka move to Manchester City has shocked everyone in the football world due to the money that was put on the table.Good thing that the deal was finally called after a week of tabloid feeds and much fiasco.Why such a amount of money was paid for a single player does not only make footballing sense but also business sense.First of all the money that was involved was a record 247 million pounds.With a weekly salary touching astronomical figures.Everybody criticissed the deal from Arsene Wenger to many other football pundits.
Even some of the die hard Man-city fans were disappointed with the deal .They had already brought in Robinho,they hadcalled backSeanWright Philips,what more do they want.Yes Kaka is a class player,but splashing this kind of money is prepostrous.First of all is a team game,yes invidual brilliance does matter in big games,but still coordianted movement between different players to achieve a common goal of scoring a goal .Even after bringing some really big names Man City are still in the bottom half of the table.Kaka cannot single handedly win you matches yes he may provide Robinho with all important delivery but still you need a collection of good players to support him.
This might just bring the inherent evil of capitalism to fore in the beautiful game.Already businessmen are on a spending spree in which any and every player have been snatched by clubs like they are off the shelf items in a supermarket.Just when the fans of one start idolize their favourite player,next week he might be playing for the rival team for a huge amount of money.Lucrative sponsorship deals from top notch companies are also a major factor in the poaching of the big names.This might trigger a cascading effect in the footballing world and we would have businessmen buying and selling clubs at their will destroying the spirit of the game.Yes money and the glamour quotient is necassary for he sustainance in this world of NFLs and NBAs,but proper and ethical business practices must be carried out so as to not destroy the the passion and the trust that people have for thier clubs.
Moreover it is not always the case that big deals and takeover always is good for the team as we see in case of Man city.Moreover a company cannot be always be trusted by the amount it is investing.For example Machester United's sponsorship deal with the American insurance deal has run into trouble after AIG's fall due to the recent recession.Anyways we can only dare to hope this show-off and soccer becomes just a game of putting that damn ball into the net


You are ready, you breathe in, you breathe out ,you are about to lose your grip of things,you have a guitar in hand the crowds there ,the thriils there; you are about ot play "FADE TO BLACK".And thats when you hear someone shouting in the backstage to stop the crap,you ignore the guy but he keeps getting luoder the crowd suddenly dies and then vanishes the guitar vanishes,everything goes ,whats this unpeakable force who is gonna stop your march to glory.You turn around to see his face.You cant see him at first .you try again,this time its clearer.There he is in full view.Suddenly you see ,you scream "DAD",damn it what are you...???Headspinning you wake up.Yes it was another one of those silly dreams that comes to a guy who has never held a guitar(and doesnt even know the lyrics of fade to black).
Yes that's how college starts for me.A kick in the back by the father himself.I drag myself out of the bed ,not willing but yes I have to ,i must muster all my forces for the good of myself.As someone said "Education completes a Man".Give me his address.Let him die in hell.Saying this I move towards the bathroom.I see myself in the mirror "Gosh I look like Bruce willis from Die hard 4.0.0(dont know the exact version).At that very moment you hear Mom screamin "Get outta there you lazy snail.Now that's hyperbole.Like a grumpy Bus driver I get out of there and start to get dressed up.A look at my biceps (need some workout).Everyday I decide to hit the gym but as Metallica said"The DAY THAT NEVER COMES".Spray some deo .Start a google search algorithm to find my college bag,my shoes,my sock(notice singular),I hit jackpot first by finding my bag.Then one sock of one colour another of another colour.Mental processing starts for mismatched socks.Its in affirmative.By the way whos gonna look at your
feet.Find my shoe(again singular),mental processing found dad's shoe.This time the result isnegative .Gotta find your own shoe.This is not a mismatch day.At last got one.
Rush to get the bus.Lucky you are on time the odds were 1:10.You stand there waiting for the bus,when you see the day's proceedings.First to arrive fullly armoured with a NSG backpack of 60 kilos are the geeks.They are accompanied by their respective parents afraid he might miss the bus and miss todays all important lecture of "I dont know what".They are surprised by my early arrival.Then they delve deep into the discussion of complex data structure and the arrival of a new windows OS with extended driver support with backward compatibility and memory allocation(I am not going to explain what that means).Then comes the arrival of the hot chicks who come in group.I have been eagerly anticipated this moment.They too come with their parents.But reach the college not by bus but by their bf's car ,bike.They come in six's seven's ,but go in two's.This is in scientific tems is called fission.Then comes my kinda guys,mostly my friends,but for this time I like to distance myself from them for simplicity of this
blog.They are harrassed people ,by parents ,by teachers ,by the society.Gosh I need to fight for their rights.But all that later.The Bus arrives with the a devil driving it.He is known to be the roughest driver in the eastlands.I think he was some POW airforce pilot who lost his left eye and was relegated to a desk job at the army before psyching out and taking our lives in his hands.However I board the bus without much fuss.
SCENE -III The bus
The bus is virtually divided into three sections:-The first section contains the teachers,the profeesors,the geeks etc etc.This is largest population occupying the first three to four rows(C'mon now dont be surprised its a engg bus after all).The second consists of the couples,deeply committed individuals,singles who are trying to bond.This is the most discussed place,who 's with whom who broke,who made the cut and who is still an oufielder.Now you may be thinkin what are outfielders :a little later.They discuss everything from what you ate last night till what till came out this morning.Lets not go into them and leave them alone.Now comes the third group.With inviduals of different kinds whose single aim is that there is no aim.They are the nosiest,each speaking but noone making sense,planning booze parties,fake stories about how one of them got laid.Experienced individulas who are in the college for years sitting in the same seat like it has been reserved,like they have been stuck in timewarp or something,constantly givin exams failing givin again .They are the most knowledegeable kinda persons with on hand practical tips about how to pass(Of course none of them work).When they speak everybody listens, they are the Don Corleone of the bus.This is of course where I reside.
SCENE -IV The college
YOu dont directly to the college you go to the cafetria have some tea, wait for the bell to ring while the experienced guys loiter there to discuss about their repeat exams.When I enter the class I am already late .I rush to the class where the professor looks at me and in telepathy tells me to get the hell outta there.Again my brains computer is active again.The set of procedures are:-Find excuses :none or already given.Scan the room for chicks in revealing clothes.Found it logged it in the memory .Must check her out in the lunch.Action:Do an about turn and head to canteen.While away time there until recess and then attend the remaining lectures by doing yoga ,deep breathing and snoring.Get out of there head to the bus.In the bus the last thing you would have wanted is noise.Now that's the time for the first row to play name
,place,animal,man something.Second section to play dumbest charades.With outfielders shouting to get attention of the girl performing.And the last section shouting,passing comments and giving live fox sports commentary about the games played by the people ahead.Of course noone minds each is doing his bit to make me awake.At last Bruce returns after doing some really unbelievable stunts like attending back to back lectures to home,where he again gets onto his guitar to complete his encore performance of "FADE TO BLACK",hoping this time he could complete it.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


ICC has just released its latest cricket rankings and it has created a furore in the world of cricket.On what basis have this been done nobody knows,but one thing is for sure it seemed as if they had some software developed on some computer ,entered the inputs of different parameters like batting averages ,bowling averages etc.pressed some button and whoa! .

A list of top 50 somethin batsmen and bowlers were listed out in some random sort of a way.It seems like the smart programmer didnt do his research properly and did a soccer like analysis of the gentleman's game where numbers dont give you the full picture.And a great batsman like Sachin had to languish at 26th spot.My problem starts with the number one spot itself.

The Don yes maybe the finest batsman that the world has saw but he is not great by means.Sample this he has played only close to 50 matches and that too against only one team i.e. England.Now consider the same thing in the present scenario where a Lara has only to play against Sri lanka or a sachin against Australia or even a Sehwag against Pakistan consider where their averages would be .A batsman is tested by the variety of pitches he plays on and the multi dimensional attacks he has to face .For e.g. a batsman like Ponting is brutal against the quickies but bring on the spinners on a dust bowl and he will struggle .

Hence Bradman playing against only England and that too in England proves he has good technique against swing bowling and short pitched stuff but what about the spinners,how good was he at that ,we dont know and we will never know.Hence a guy like him should never have been included in such analysis.But take Dravid or even a Sehwag has scored against every opposition and in every country.That shows true batsmanship.

And considering the age they play on where teams dissect each player to the bare minimum ,it is no mean feat.This is only some of the minor flaws in the rankings.Others include placing Wasim Akram(above 100 tests) beneath Dale Steyn(30 tests) who only recently has struck form.You couldnt compare a career of 18 long years with someone who has just played 5 years.It takes consistent performance,good fitness and tough mental agility and variations to outsmart a batsman who has a pretty good idea of what you are going to bowl and that too on sub-continent wickets.Hence I think ICCs rankings has been nothing but a farce.

However as they say that Greats can never be measured by yardsticks scales,stats,figures but by courage ,consistency,sportmanship and above all love for the Gentleman's game
Site Meter