Monday, June 21, 2010


These are some easy to do steps in the quest to become the ultimate rockstar. Although care has been taken to provide as accurate data as possible but following these steps does not guarantee the rock star status.

I will employ a top bottom down approach to become the ultimate rock star.

First of all your hair. Either cut it very short to the point of baldness or let it grow like hell. Either way you can get that rockstar feel which you can flaunt at will. But remember when not in use (i.e. When not using your hair for head banging keep it neatly tied behind the back, otherwise it can cause hell lot of problems like getting entangled in trees, bushes,poison ivy or being an interactive gateway for some of nature's best like birds building nest. For them your head would seem like Beverly hills mansion.)

Second your eyebrows shall remain pierced at all times. Even though you cannot see where you are going or you get an eye infection still you shall maintain your eyebrows pierced.
Caution: Use stainless steel accessories for eye brow piercing or you might just get rust in your eyes.

Third comes your beard it should be flowing like Archimedes or even Galileo. Or it should be shaped into some kind of Japanese origamy. Either way your aim should be to look as wierd as possible.

Your ears should look like some magician has inserted the sword of excalibur into your ears and after a fountain of blood gushes you have sealed it using some cheap adhesive. Again either way it should look wierd.

Your torso including your hands should be covered in tattoo with some wierd sanskrit literature which no one including you understand. IT could be some poem learnt in school or even Sanskrit grammar that no person in this living world can understand.

Yes the important get guitar in hand even if you cannot play it this part is necassary. You cannot play along saying that i m the lead vocalist. Nobody will believe you. So even if you are the vocalist a guitar in hand is a must. Metallica :- A Case in point.

Then comes the useless part the legs or lower limbs. It should be as thin as possible. Don't ask me why but researching about 100 successful bands there is a direct correlation between thin legs and the success of the band. The thinner the average size of the legs of all members the more hits the band has. Legend has it the band members make maintain thin legs so that when the drummer forgets his sticks due to drug overdose any one band member can volunteer as the drum sticks.

So here it is the important points that you need to consider to become the next big thing in the rock n roll industry.

Disclaimer: These are suggestions based on research by a reliable source, following these steps is not going to ensure success in the above mentioned business. Hence any litigation will not be seriously considered.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

When Aliens attack

(Inspired by the award winning novel Hitch hikers Guide to Galaxy)
What would happen if earth suddenly gets attacked by those little bloody green things. Think about it. Well don't think about it , I will do the thinking for you. Well as a net savvy guy I would rather focus my attention towards the online version of the thought. Well you will have a flurry of updates, tweets and pokes in the cyber world. And what would that be? Well here is an excerpt from it.

Just saw a saucer the size of ma house! Cool!

Hey what's the thing with the red lights, Is Pakistan finally waging a war with us.

Wow! talked to a green guy, Couldn't understand a thing, Pretty lame huh!!!!!

Shooting of new Speilberg flick right in front of ma house! Is Angelina Jolie coming. Still MR. Speilberg flying saucers are so cliche""

All set The end is nighe.

The green little guy has a lazer ray gun burnt ma school. Holidays Yipeee!!1

10 things I want to do Before I get burnt by a laser ray gun.......

Just saw a shooting star, wished Brazil took the Cup!!!

A cigar, a beer and my bike that's all I need to end ma life and rite now i m enjoyin it

Need to finish "Lost" final season before I go Adios }

Who the hell said Aliens are primitive:

Shot a saucer with my anti-tank gun. Really

@Indian PM: WE shall not tolerate this mishcief from Pakistan

@Microsoft: We shall now make Windows Aliens compatible Windows Green.

@Apple: i-LIENS now at a store near you.

@IBM:Software solutions for the aliens near you, because they rule us.

@Warren Buffet: The fundamentals of Planet Gregatorium look pretty strong.

@ Richard Branson: Talks going for the that bloody hotel in moon.

@Vijay Mallya: LIKE @BRanson

@Lalit Modi: We shall consider the green things for the next IPL auction.

@Johnny Depp: Creatures very similar to my character Jack Sparrow.

@Formula One: Saucer engines shall be disallowed for the coming season.

@Google: Buy Advertisements space on flying saucer. And launching Google Space (beta version) shortly.

@Bloody Green Thing: One more update and I shall suck your earth dry, bloody Earthlings.

@ME: Dont give a damn.

Sunday, June 6, 2010


I am a pshycopathic killer who has been talked into by my victim the owner of the blog to write a post for this blog. Please don't ask me how the OWNER of the blog got me into this, but here I am writing for him. Actually I wanted to kill him, but I found him to be very interesting and a smooth talker, I think he should be some salesman or something but who cares I just want to write a bloody post and get outta here before my next victim completes his shower. You see I like to kill people when they are showering, really increases my brand equity.

Now the problem is that what should a man who kills three times a day write about. Hence as suggested by the owner of the blog that I should talk about the real practical problems that a psychopathic killer faces when he kills three times. Hence I would like the readers to take the following precautions when a psyhcopathic killer visits your home.

1. You shall shower three times a day, you see it maintains hygiene and gives me more chance to kill some of you guys. It really feels bad when I have to kill you in your sleep, it damages my brand equity as I mentioned before.

2. You shall at all times keep a sharp, sterilised knife at your house so that some days when my knife loses its edge after killing so many people I can use yours without hesitation.

3. Please put some light music preferably Jagjeet Singh so that it is easier for you to go into the night.

4. Keep your bathrooms clean I hate to work in dirty places.

5. Always before entering the shower say your last rites or prayers you never know when I might strike.

6. Please avoid having pets at home it hurts to send an innocent animal to hell

7. Please avoid smoking in your bath tubs because I am allergic to smoke.

8. Please avoid going into the shower full stomach cause sometimes when I am drunk, I tend to miss your heart and hit your stomach and many times your intestines get tangled into my blade hence with all that food on it, it really aids in corrosion so please have your food after your shower.

9. Please ensure clean towels and anti-bacterial liquid at your bathroom, it really aids in having clean blades.

10. And please don't have mobile phones at your bathroom where you try to call the police and I have to break your expensive phones, really it hurts the economy.

Hence these are the don'ts by a cold-blooded killer, so take care of this and death will come easier to you. And by the way this might just be the last post for this owner cause I have decided to kill this so called blogger. As it is he ain't got much visitors. Ok Bye Lov U guys.

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