RESUME OF A SUPER HERO

Super heroes do have to make resumes. Why ? For a job of saving the world you need to carry a resume with you, you don't  know when a head hunter might just ask for it. Well here is a sample resume of a SUPER HERO

SUPRA MAN ( NAME CHECKED FOR AVAILABILITY)
Cannot tell address as this might lead to revelation of my identity

Contact me through light, distress signals, shouting aloud for help, destruction of earth, natural calamity etc. etc.

Aim To be so well known that at least a Hollywood movie of 3 sequels, a marvel comic character,  a Bollywood crap, a Tamil crap with Rajnikanth of 170 crores, a Telugu crap  be made from my identity.

Educational Qualification:

• Specially trained in Flying for no reason in the hot, polluted weather.
• Jumping and spoiling paint of white colored buildings,
• Sticking to buildings for no reason,
• Arriving after the crime has been committed and then taking the crap out of the anti-social elements.
• Posing for good photographs (helps tremendously in merchandising)

Strengths

Starting from the top 

HIRE ME PLEASE!!! THE LEFT ONE IS ME ,THE OTHER GUY IS A CLOWN

1. Laser gun in the eye
2.  Stretchable limbs with sticking features, 
3. Knives out of knuckles
4. Water from finger nails (useful for ear cleaning)
5. Stretchable stomach ( Useful for eating large portions of food)
6.  Body created to deflect bullets
7.  Runs fully on human power, no Kryptonite, solar, or any other source of power required (God I ain't a mobile)
8.  Have my own car, in case the weather is bad for flying
9.  Belt where all my other numerous weapons when I am not in mood of superpower be hidden.
10.  Jumping, flying good eyesight, low use of brain, and the list goes on...

Weakness

1. Cannot wake up early in the morning

2. Need my vacation break.

3. A natural dissonance to cops.

Experience

1. Scan the newspapers its full of them.

Volunteer Experience

1. Take children for a ride every once in a while.

2. Sometimes divide the loot among the poor.

3. Helped many criminals choose the right path by beating the crap out of them.

The above facts are true to my knowledge .

SD/.

I WANNA BE A ROCKSTAR

These are some easy to do steps in the quest to become the ultimate rockstar. Although care has been taken to provide as accurate data as possible but following these steps does not guarantee the rock star status.

I will employ a top bottom down approach to become the ultimate rock star.

First of all your hair. Either cut it very short to the point of baldness or let it grow like hell. Either way you can get that rockstar feel which you can flaunt at will. But remember when not in use (i.e. When not using your hair for head banging keep it neatly tied behind the back, otherwise it can cause hell lot of problems like getting entangled in trees, bushes,poison ivy or being an interactive gateway for some of nature's best like birds building nest. For them your head would seem like Beverly hills mansion.)

Second your eyebrows shall remain pierced at all times. Even though you cannot see where you are going or you get an eye infection still you shall maintain your eyebrows pierced.
Caution: Use stainless steel accessories for eye brow piercing or you might just get rust in your eyes.

Third comes your beard it should be flowing like Archimedes or even Galileo. Or it should be shaped into some kind of Japanese origamy. Either way your aim should be to look as wierd as possible.

Your ears should look like some magician has inserted the sword of excalibur into your ears and after a fountain of blood gushes you have sealed it using some cheap adhesive. Again either way it should look wierd.

Your torso including your hands should be covered in tattoo with some wierd sanskrit literature which no one including you understand. IT could be some poem learnt in school or even Sanskrit grammar that no person in this living world can understand.

Yes the important get guitar in hand even if you cannot play it this part is necassary. You cannot play along saying that i m the lead vocalist. Nobody will believe you. So even if you are the vocalist a guitar in hand is a must. Metallica :- A Case in point.

Then comes the useless part the legs or lower limbs. It should be as thin as possible. Don't ask me why but researching about 100 successful bands there is a direct correlation between thin legs and the success of the band. The thinner the average size of the legs of all members the more hits the band has. Legend has it the band members make maintain thin legs so that when the drummer forgets his sticks due to drug overdose any one band member can volunteer as the drum sticks.

So here it is the important points that you need to consider to become the next big thing in the rock n roll industry.

Disclaimer: These are suggestions based on research by a reliable source, following these steps is not going to ensure success in the above mentioned business. Hence any litigation will not be seriously considered.