Ricky's Revenge

Two test down and trailing by 1 is not an ideal situation for an Australian citizen who has the captaincy of the world's fastest deteroriating team in an Ashes series that is taking place in Australia. Instead of analyzing what went wrong, I will concentrate on what Ricky needs to do to regain the Ashes in the next three Tests.

HELP ME TO HELP ME

1. Do black magic. Take some hair from McGrath's receding hairline and tie it to a doll that looks like Siddle. Take some hair from Shane Warne's head and tie to a doll that looks like Doherty. And hope that black magic actually works.
2. Take some lessons from the Indian bowling line-up. Admit your bowling line up is shit and mentally prepare your batting line-up to score 500 every time they hit the pitch. And if the bowlers do take some wickets, label your bowlers the next McGrath, Warne etc.
3. Understand that this is not F1 where the fastest wins, hence tell your bloody bowlers to stop concentrating on pace, physique and mustache and concentrate on line, length and swing.
4. Understand that bowling is not all about hitting top of the off stump, but also line, length and pace variation.
5. Tell some Englishman preferably KP to verbally take on one of your bowlers, this is the best way to motivate Indian bolwers which we have seen for years, eventhough his bowling will not improve but he will wag with the tail and score 50 after 50 and end the season on a high.
6. Stop placing fielders in absurdly silly places just to show that you have planned something big, and place regular slips instead of placing fly slips, second gully third cover and don't know what kind of field settings.
7. Start telling the your batsman that Hussey and Katich is not the only player who has to play Test Cricket. It is the duty of every batsman to make an effort to play Test Cricket.
8. Tell Katich where the stumps are!!!!
9. When things don't go your way, Ricky don't start itching your baggy green but instead DO SOMETHING!!
10. Tell your commentators to behave and not take on other ex-players to show how bad a loser Australians are!!!

T20 Analysis-Team Australia

The Australians could be the surprise underdog in this years T20. Not that the Australians are ever labeled as the underdogs in any tournament but a quick look at their team formation and we can see that they are not the favourites that they are always so used to. First of all they have not found a potent opening combination since the departure of Hayden and Gilchrist. Although they have found some respite in Haddin and Clarke. But both are essentially middle-order specialists whom I doubt would be as successful as their previous kings. Haddin is essentially a straight down the ground hitter who is good in clearing the in-field during the power-plays.Clarke will essentially play the anchor role with others. Then comes their real strength their explosive middle order, here is where the tournament will be won and lost for them. They have classy Ponting to begin with,followed by the explosive Andrew Symonds who is already looking in ominous form during the recent IPL. They have the Hussey brothers who can manuoevere and use the handle to good effect.Then comes their selection dilemma between Watson and Hopes.Both are equally destructive and chances are that both of them will be played at the cost of mostly David Hussey,the Victorian bomber. Then comes their bowling line-up which is mostly uni-dimensional and pace oriented. Except for Bracken all the others are fast and furious who can hit the deck hard without too much lateral movement ,which could be a case of not exploiting the English conditions to the full. Lee has struggled on the English pitches because of his failure to use the Kookaburra balls. Moreover Johnson would be their only potent attack,who too is relatively inexperienced. The major problem that Australia faces in the bowling department is absence of a quality spinner. This could be a chink in their armour as far as I am concerned. As we have seen that spinners even part-timers have an important role to play in this format. Last year when Yuvraj went on a rampage against them in the semi-finals the absence of a quality spinner hurt them, as Yuvraj was pulling their hit-the-deck hard kind of bowlers over midwicket with relative ease.

Although the Australians do seem to be an underdog, but in T20 format it is not bad to have that tag, because as we have seen from our past experiences that it’s the cup of the underdogs.Hence this could be a blessing in disguise for Ponting and his men who would be in real pressure situation this time around, because the Australians don’t like their trophy section to seem empty.

Australia's racist turn

With the recent attacks on Indians on Australian soil one has to wonder why the hell are the Indians being the constant targets of racist groups. Whether it’s the English, Americans, and now the Australians. We are the butt of so many jokes which are not taken seriously but still if there is a joke, there is some feeling of resentment that is hiding its ugly face inside. I think now it’s the time that the Indians instead of holding silly peace rallies in foreign countries and ranting same old reasons for attacks like we better than the foreigners and they being jealous of us, look ourselves in the mirror and give ourselves a dress rehearsal to ourselves.

If we are so better than those foreigners then why do we leave India in the first place and work for those racist pigs. If you are so brilliant then use it in India you will earn far more respect in India than all those dollars can ever buy. Today if a guy prefers to work in India he is called a rustic, a man who does not have the guts to leave his home a man who is afraid to leave his house and who thinks small. If that is the case my dear friend if you are so enterprising, daring and extrovert why don’t you choose to set up a company of your own and make an acquisition of a foreign firm instead of licking somebody who thinks that all Indians know is to set up a damn shop in corner and all he can do in his life is cook curry and get married at the age of 25.

If red tape is the reason which is stopping you from setting up your firm then stay in India and vote damn it instead of flaunting your green card of H! visa own a Indian voter ID first. Even if it’s a small step at least it’s a positive one. Why do you point your crooked finger at the Indian system instead of accepting that you are too afraid to compete in India because of the large amount of guys who think that Indian education is no less than a foreign degree? If you think that India is run by Babuism then you are the only one who is leaving it to die at their mercy, instead of changing the system we try to run away from it. If its reservation that is stopping you in getting into a college open a college of your own who is stopping and stop reservations and others will follow suit. It is far better than cleaning foreign college toilets just to pay the fees of your college. It is far more easier to open a burger chain in India than to serve burgers at Burger King and much more rewarding, don’t worry about failure ,it is better than getting fired from Burger King. It is better to walk on the unpaved potholed roads of India than paving one for the foreign guys.

However we guys are used to taking shit from the colonial days so it does not matter to anyone what the hell Baljinder is the one who got hit ,I am not that unlucky. Okay man then try your luck.