Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Things great people say

Ever wondered how do great people conduct themselves. By great people I mean not those that are actually great (i.e Sachin, Steve Waugh, Veerappan, Bill Gates, Google guys etc.) I mean those that think they are great. Well if you too want to emulate this kind of greatness, its damn easy. Here are a few tips, tricks, blips, bloopers and blunders which will launch you to the platform of greatness.

Its all about talking the right way, having some weird hand gestures and Boom "You are Great".

Statutory Warning: Before you read this post, I want to assure you that such kind of greatness will only give you limited visibility, cheap publicity, a lot of enemies and a lot of nincompoops who will call themselves your friends. But yes I will also assure you that such greatness will also give immediate attention that your worthless life never had.

Now as I said the key is saying the right words. For example: What is the thing that people today are most afraid of. No not another 9/11, its the STOCK MARKET. Yes the key to all uncertainties is stock market hence also the key to all fears. So how do you use this to your advantage. Well simple when in public say things like

"Hey Reliance showed good movement today"
" Man I just cannot predict where this market is gonna take me"
" I just researched some really good stocks, but they are for a longer term"

If you see the language that I used is very simple. Everyone knows that Reliance is gonna give some movement whether its  upwards or downwards. No bloody nostra dam all of us can predict the stock market. And in the long term every stock does good business.

So by saying all this, shows that you are a real good financial person who knows a lot about markets, movements and research. That's it you have achieved financial greatness!!!

Now lets go to smarter things in life. This can be explained in a much better by a good friend of mine, but anyways I ll try my best. Now we are moving to gadgetry greatness.

Say things like
" Hey Apple launched a new i- " x" . Now this x can be replaced by phone, tank, store, bank, cash, wash, basin or any word that you can catch hold on. It is on a launching spree. They are trying to emulate the US Defence forces which launches rockets, wars, biological weapons, videos on youtube etc.

Or you can say "Heard that Java is updating its software" Again Java keeps updating something or the other  just to make the lives of the people working on it miserable.

Or you can say "Facebook has just tweaked its privacy settings" Again a company obsessed with privacy. If FB was established in India it would have been labeled as a bank. Its that safe.

Or you can say " A company X has just launched a mobile Y which has A mega pixel camera with Cg facilites , GPRS, GPS, PPM etc. Here X can be named after a God , Y can be replaced by a weird name like A3, my2 etc. And A and C can be replaced by any number that you can think of. (Remember the game "think of a number" ) .

So now you have achieved gadgetry Greatness!!! (notice the use of three exclamation marks just to show you that you are great already!!!)

Now I am pretty bored showing my greatness, this post can go on and on about ways and means to increase your rep, but as I said I am a blogger not a novelist. So go ahead flaunt your greatness!!!

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